Friends that aren't really friends. School vs Adult life.

This weekend I bumped into an old friend from school, we exchanged pleasantries and went on our merry ways - on my part; school shoe shopping which I may add was rather crippling on my bank balance! Cheers kids. 

Anyway, later on that evening said old school friend sent me an inbox on Facebook to say we should meet up this weekend and catch up. I agreed and we arranged a day etc. 

Then reminiscence happened and I totally remembered how this girl treated me in school, the pure and utter cheek of her using me and another mutual friend and playing us off against one another so she remained the most popular girl in our year and thinking we never realised what was happening even after we had left school and moved on.

We did figure it out, one drunken night we discussed our not so 'best' friend and since that night myself and said mutual friend have been solid buddies through, births, weddings, broken hearts and copias amounts of vodka, and that my friends is what we call karma.

So back to the now, I was wavering about actually keeping my commitment to this meeting, do I cancel because this girl made my life a misery at times, or do I be the bigger person and go and reminisce over the good times we did have (there were good times!)

 My head is telling me i'm an adult now I can be the bigger person I can dart around her treating me like a puppet and maybe even enjoy a rare night off to have some laughs. Then my heart, well my heart holds on the that girl who shaped who I am today, the one who was insecure at school, would do anything to hold on to her 'friend', was a lost sheep looking for acceptance and love and a true mate. The girl who didn't get those things and therefore ends up the anxious self concious girl who worries about what EVERY single person thinks of her now. The one who blogs anonymously because it won't get her into trouble to speak her mind. The girl who even though will always want to go with her heart, will ultimately choose her head, because that's who she is. 

I was about to delete this ramble, when I realised it was what my heart wanted to type, and as I've just proven I am the girl who rarely follows her heart, and this incognito space I created is for this exact moment right now. MY blog, my space, my rules. 

So it will go into a chunk of this big internet world, where none or tonnes of people can read it, and I hope if that's you reading the ramblings of a confused grown woman who still obsesses over high schooly things and you can relate or have any words of wisdom for me that you will drop me a comment, email, or a tweet

For now, here. 

Ciao